Livingston, I presume– overheard at a coffeeshop. The dude who said this is also dapper as fuck
Brazil is not a state. It’s a country– Overheard at a coffeeshop
My brother and I are pathetic excuses for adults
My brother gets distracted very easily. Mom asked him to go get something from the pantry. 5 minutes later, Mom: I intended for you to come out of pantry at some point. Brother: Oh! Sorry! I run to the pantry and shut the door on him. Cue struggle in him trying to come out. He wins. Mom: Oh, can you also get the dressings from the pantry? Brother: OH NO! (to me) You’re going to...
I am not generally one to rant on tumblr but I swear to god if one more person asks me what my job is going to be after I graduate or tries to give me “suggestions” about things I should do I am going to punch them in the face. Dear everyone, My thesis which is the culmination of at least two years of work (and really more like three or four) is due in TWENTY DAYS. THIS is what I am...
I have a sick sense of humor
My brother is pushing a stroller with his son inside and also not paying attention to the street lights. He almost goes out into traffic.
Me: Woah, watch it! Don't sacrifice your baby! *in baby voice* He wouldn't make a good sacrifice anyway! He is way too small! Maybe when he's full size but now he's too itty bitty to be a sacrifice.
Brother: Remind me not to leave you alone with my child.
teeaah replied to your post: I went to see the new sherlock holmes movie the other day BITCH DAT LLAMA!! I feel like this could just be a continual cycle because the best response to this, my dear Teah, is this:
I went to see the new sherlock holmes movie the...
I kept getting excited about all the books and pointing them out to my friend who I was watching with. I’d be like “LOOK AT HIS BOOKS!” or just “BOOKS! LOOK! PRETTY BOOKS!” At one point, my friend was like “Why do you keep noticing all the books?” I said: “I like books.” She laughed at me.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE AND DAY!
Um so, this holiday is my favorite. I am home and so is everyone else and now we are going to eat, drink and be merry! So wishing you and yours the happiest of holidays! I am going to use this opportunity to use all my celebration gifs. If you don’t celebrate then have a good weekend! <3
Opiate of them Asses: Reblog with one of your... →
lord-kitschener: My family and I, when we wrap up each other’s presents, don’t put our own names on the To/From tags. Instead we put another name, usually someone relevant to the present, in the “From” space. The “To” slot usually gets a nickname or title that’s pretty clear who it refers to. For example, if one… Mine is not nearly as awesome but: We have a Where’s Waldo...
If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets.– Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore (via bookmania)
Happy Winter Solstice, everyone! <3
LOOK AT GOOGLE RIGHT NOW.
wow they really outdid themselves! Merry Christmas, google!
So I wore my gay pride shirt to school today. →
nerdycommunity: And in chemistry class I was talking to my friend, Jack, about a gay pride festival I went to. My teacher, stupid nosy bitch, decides she wants to join in on the conversation. She asks me what I’m talking about so I turned around and her reaction was to make a noise of utter disgust. She asked me to go to the main office and get a different shirt. But being the rebel that I am,...
Passive Aggressive Southern Mother
Mom: When the mattress comes, you are going to change out of your pjs right? RIGHT? Was that subtle enough?
Mom: (cooly) You don't have to change out of your pjs.
Me: ......Your disapproval! It burns me!
Mom: It's okay you don't have to change. I will just dry your sweaters one by one and you will do absolutely nothing in return.
Me: Owwww. Fine!
We know our TN History
Gameshow: What US president married his wife before she had legally divorced her first husband?
Mom: I KNOW THIS I KNOW THIS ITS ANDREW JACKSON!
Me: Everyone knows about Andrew Jackson's scandal with Rachel! Come on!
Gameshow person gives the wrong answer.
Mom: (leaps up shaking her fists in utter rage) YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom didn't think this one through
Mom: I was cleaning out stuff and I found these cards with your name on them from when you graduated high school. Do you want them?
Me: What would I do with them?
Mom: Put your phone number on them when you meet a cute guy?
Mom: Maybe not.
Me: Mom, these have a little graduating cap and a scroll on them.
Mom: Maybe not.
This is not even that much of an exaggeration
Mom: The new mattress is going to be delivered today!
Telephone: The new mattress is not going to be delivered today because it is raining A LOT. Maybe later today if it stops?
Mom: Oh no! I am going to turn on the news and see what they are saying about the weather.
Weatherman: It is raining A LOT. It is just so gross outside. Look at this shot about how hard the rain is coming down. And its not going to stop. It's going to keep coming. Rain rain rain. Lots of it. I mean, yeah its raining a lot. But it could be worse. It could be causing damage! But its not causing damage YET. But it is raining tons and it is just so disgusting outside. Oh let's look at this map. Look at this town where it is not raining. DON'T WORRY, YOU TOWN, THE RAIN IS COMING!
Drama in the Southwest line the other day before...
Young Woman: Hi, sorry, what's your number?
Woman with russian? eastern european? accent: I am B.
YW: No, what number are you?
WWREEA: (suspiciously) Why do you need to know?
YW: Well, I think we're supposed to line up in order?
WWREEA: Why does it matter? We are all B.
YW: Well, they said that we need to be in order? I'm 38.
WWREEA: (angrily) You want to get in front of me? Is that it?
YW: Well, what's your number? (to me) Aren't we supposed to be in order?
Me: Yeah, we're supposed to be in order.
WWREEA: Fine, get in front of me! See if I care!
YW: No, I-- (makes an anguished noise then gives up and gets in front of the lady)
Me: (very unhelpfully dies laughing)
Only context under which its okay to mock my...
Me: I have to go to the bathroom
Mom: ....Me too.
*Both take off running*
Mom: NO NO NO NO NO
Me: LETS SEE HOW WELL THAT KNEE AND HIP REPLACEMENT SERVES YOU NOW!
missnesbit replied to your post: Things that my 46 tumblr followers should know YOU CAN DO IT! Hopefully you can give me courage and hope for mine cause I have to get started on mine. GOOD LUCK! Oh man! Are you in a master’s program too? What are you studying? But thank you! I hope that I can give you hope and not make you want to run away and hide, haha.
teeaah replied to your post: Things that my 46 tumblr followers should know Lana, my inbox is always open for some crazy e-mails from you. ALWAYS. Thanks, Teah! Maybe email is the solution to the lack of Teah in my life? I miss the hell out of you!
Things that my 46 tumblr followers should know
My first draft of my masters thesis is due January 17th. It is entirely possible that at some point in the next month I may lose my mind. You guys are going to get me through this okay? My (significantly shorter) undergraduate thesis was made possible by Tim Hortons. You guys are going to be my Tim Hortons, okay? I miss Tim Hortons. I have no idea where there was one in rural Indiana but...
missnesbit replied to your post: Fluppy Dogs I now want to look this up and watch it. I’m intrigued. Also, I’ve missed seeing your posts. Ummm that is all. Yessss I totally want to spread the Fluppy dog love. It’s really not good good but its cute and enjoyable! Also, I kept having these weird moments where I would remember what was going to happen right before it did. Super weird....
I had a conversation with someone recently about how kids watch things they like over and over. I proceeded to tell them that I had a tape of a cartoon with dogs who traveled through portals and there was something about a flying bed that I watched a ton when I was little. These were really the only things I remembered about this cartoon and no one knew what I was talking about. Anyway, the...